Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 28 - JUN 3, 2012
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PEOPLE
New Book About Obama Chronicles His Extensive Pot Smoking as a Youth
Unlike Clinton, he never exhaled.
Unabomber Updates His Status in Harvard Alumni Magazine
From Wild and Crazy Guy to Crazy Guy.
Missouri Installs Security Camera Trained on Rush Limbaugh Bust in State Capitol
To prevent Limbaugh from stealing it.
Pope's Butler Charged With Leaking Secret Documents
After lengthy investigation by Miss Marple.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Chinese Firm Buys AMC
Theater chain will feature high quality pirated first-run films.
POLLING
Pollsters More Likely to Reach Republicans on Land Lines, Democrats on Cellphones
Independents on foot, after a lengthy chase.
 
SCIENCE
Head of SETI Steps Down
Blames lack of sleep, stiff neck.
 
Launch of Private Spaceship Signals New Era
Of private intercontinental ballistic missiles.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Catholic Groups Challenge Federal Health Insurance Coverage for Contraceptives
Demand to know why a good Catholic girl would ever need them.
Cheating Guys More Likely
To Die of Heart Attack

Strictly monogamous guys more likely to die of boredom.

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