Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 1 - 7, 2013
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NEW PRODUCTS
New Confession App Keeps You Honest 24/7
With "My Confessor" app you can confess your sins while on the run and receive mobile penance from an actual priest, or more likely a disgraced one. Free (plus 10% tithe).
 
EDUCATION
Student Loan Rates Double as Congress Adjourns Early
So lawmakers can deliver commencement speeches.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Atlanta Cops' Pay Raises to Be Funded by Revenue From Traffic Tickets
Which are expected to increase tenfold.
 
SPORTS
Lakers Unveil Giant Billboard Hoping to Convince Dwight Howard to Stay
They couldn't reach him by phone.
TRAVEL
Carnival Cruise Line CEO to Step Down
Actually, he'll walk the plank.
 
RELIGION
Vatican Bank, Officials Again Investigated in Complex Money Laundering Scheme
Call for return to priests selling indulgences.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
First Flying Android Superman Test Successful
Touted as “next big thing” in drones.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported that Justice Antonin Scalia, in a fiery dissent in the Voting Rights Act case, slammed the majority for “invalidating this democratically adopted legislation. That is jaw-dropping. It is an assertion of judicial supremacy over the people's representatives in Congress and the executive.” In fact, Scalia was referring not to the Court's overturning the Voting Rights Act, but the Court's overturning the Defense of Marriage Act. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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