Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 2 - 8, 2015
page three

PEOPLE
Romney Says He Won't Run for President in 2016
But he would consider running for Vice President.
Indiana Gov. Pence Decides Against Establishing State-Run News Outlet
Internment camps, martial law still on the table.
 
BUSINESS
Rolls-Royce Has Record
Sales in 2014

Also Grey Poupon.
Apple Reports Record Profits; Enough to Give Every American $556
Which would cover the $556 they had to shell out for an iPhone.
Apologetic Makers of Gandhi-Bot Beer to Rebrand After Indian Complaints
Will go with their second choice: Buddhaweiser.
SCIENCE
Astronomers Find Solar System More Than Twice as Old as Ours
Relationships between older and younger galaxies problematic.
New Theory: Volcanoes, Not
Asteroid, Wiped Out Dinosaurs

Either way, thank goodness they're gone.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
CDC: Disneyland Measles
Outbreak Came From Overseas

Spokesperson for Disney: “It's a small world afer all.”
Researchers Claim Breakthrough in Treating Peanut Allergies
Lead researcher, removing his monocle says, “I'm encouraged.”
Study: Lonely, Depressed People More Likely to Binge-Watch TV
Not “binge-watching tv results in loneliness and depression” as previously thought.
 
RELIGION
Mormon Church Shifts
On Gay Rights

Adopts “Don't ask, don't tell.”

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2015 Ironic Times