Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 21 - 27, 2015
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PEOPLE
Pope Recognizes Second Miracle Attributed to Mother Teresa
According to witnesses, she prayed for Buster Douglas to knock out Mike Tyson.
 
BUSINESS
Congress Passes $800 Million Tax Package, With Special Breaks for Racehorse Owners
But not one penny for jockeys.
Man Sues Miller Brewing Co. Over Foster's Beer Being Brewed in Texas, Not Australia
Offers to settle out of court for 100 cases.
 
PUBLISHING
Billionaire Kingmaker Sheldon Adelson Revealed as Buyer of Las Vegas Review-Journal
“I asked my secretary to run out and buy me a paper and I guess she misunderstood,” he explains.
CONSUMER NEWS
Warning Issued That “Some” Hoverboards Could Suddenly Explode
Possibly the one you just bought, or perhaps not.
 
SCIENCE
New Fundamental Particle Discovered by Large Hadron Collider
Although “it might just be some shmuts.”
 
Forensic Science Reveals What Jesus Would Have Actually Looked Like
Before he was photoshopped.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Approves Eggless “Just Mayo”
And a 100% broccoli product called, “Just Chicken.”
Shocker: Medical Journal Finds
Americans Missing More
Teeth (7.31) Than Brits (6.97)

But Brits missing more front teeth (3.58).
 
TRENDS
Middle Class No Longer
Majority in U.S.

Only on sitcoms.

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