Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 12 - 18, 2016
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PEOPLE
Germany: Merkel Calls for Ban on Full-Face Veils
In tweet, Trump calls for paper bags over heads of “fours or less.”
Giuliani Withdraws From Consideration for Sec. of State
Discovers number of troubling things while vetting himself.
 
BUSINESS
Stock Market Soars to
Record Highs

Investors see undreamed-of profits once they repeal Medicare.
Hottest Toy This Shopping Season: Hatchimal
Everyone wants to get their hands on this living thing that hatches from an egg and keeps on growing until it eats you out of house and home.
ENVIRONMENT
Global Warming Blamed for
Worst Ever Die-Off of Coral
At Great Barrier Reef

“This is just terrible for my line of coral jewelry,” says Ivanka Trump.
 
SCIENCE
Study: Monkeys Anatomically Capable of Talking, But Lack Brainpower
According to monograph by Koko, the signing gorilla.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Tennis Leads to Longer Life
Recommends trust funds for everyone so they can afford to play a lot of tennis.
Religious Thoughts Trigger Same Reward Centers in Brain as Drugs
Say three Hail Marys, then exhale.
Study: Hypochondriacs More
Likely to Have Health Issues

According to study by United Hypochondriacs of America.

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