Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 3 - 9, 2017
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PEOPLE
Chris Christie to Head White House Commission on Addiction
Including heroin, opioids, alcohol, gambling, eating .
 
MEDIA
Cable News Channel Ratings Soar as Trump-Russia Crisis Grows
Trump watching more than ever.
 
BUSINESS
Silicon Valley Millionaires Seek Immortality
Once achieved, they'll take out reverse mortgages.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Cast of Reality Show Emerges From Wilderness to Find Show Cancelled Eight Months Earlier
Eight months of inane arguments, stupid spats, and two broken marriages “wasted,” says one.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Low Gas Prices Blamed for
6% Spike In Highway Deaths

More people driving, thinking about how much money they're saving just when impact occurs.
 
SCIENCE
 
Atomic Clocks Combine to Provide Most Precise Measurement of Relativity Yet
Unfortunately, finding submitted for next year's Physics Nobel just .0000000003 seconds late.
 
CORRECTION
  Last week, we identified the women pictured next to Bill O'Reilly as co-anchors on his weekly show. In fact, they're the women who sued him for sexual harrassment and won a $13 million settlement. We regret the error.

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