Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 10 - 16, 2017
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MISCELLANEOUS
Pepsi Withdraws "Black Lives Matter" Ad Starring Kendall Jenner
After thousands of angry, offended protesters shut down PepsiCo headquarters, bottling plants.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Report: Soon, Cars Will Read Your Expressions, Act Accordingly
For example, drive off a cliff.
 
EDUCATION
Harvard Wants to Rewrite Alma Mater Phrase “Bearers of Love Till the Stock of the Puritans Die”
Now that the last Puritan alum has died.
 
SPORTS
Report: NFL Teams Forced Drugs on Players to Keep Them on Field
Then forced them to take drug tests so they could suspend them without pay.
FEATURE
By attacking Syria, Donald Trump has put the United States
A )on a steep and slippery slope
B )ever deeper into a quagmire
C )on the very edge of the abyss
D )up Shit Creek without a paddle in a chicken wire canoe
E )on the path to peace
(Hint: Only one of the above answers is totally wrong.)
 
TRAVEL
Companies Offering Submersible Vessel Tours of Titanic for $100,000
Or, with a tablespoon of baking soda you could replicate dive in bathtub.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Peeps Pizza Appears in Time for Easter
Also available: Peeps on a matzoh for our Jewish friends.

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