Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 12 - 18, 2004
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Bin Laden's Sister-in-Law Promoting Book
She's making the rounds of talk shows hawking "The Bin Laden Low-Carb Diet."
GOP Alarmed At Edwards's Inexperience
Novice senator could launch invasion of wrong country to deter nonexistent threat.
Man Takes Top Prize Eating 3 Pounds of Baked Beans In 10 Minutes
Judges award prize in absentia.
Baseball: Player Hits for Cycle
Singles, doubles, triples, then denies steroid use.
Scheduling Snafu Disrupts
Tour de France

When both events fall on the same day, Pamplona's "running of the bulls" gets priority.
As usual, the networks experiment with new fare during the summer, when many people are away. Here are some of the shows you'll probably miss:
"Pet Swap" (ABC): Applying the spouse-swapping concept to pets works just fine when a parakeet is traded for a python, but when a Pomeranian named Eugene changes places with a Chihuahua named Pepe, time grinds to a halt.
"Celebrity Stoolie" (CBS): If you're a B-list celebrity and your agent calls with an offer from this latest exercise in public humiliation, hang up. Otherwise, you might find yourself posting bail after someone like Pia Zadora tips off the cops that you're driving a stolen car.
"Democratic National Convention" (CNN), "Republican National Convention" (Fox): These two spoofs of the political nominating process are not to be missed. Deft portrayals by some of our finest comic actors provide the loopy cast of characters. They're all here: the mock-serious news anchors who repeat the same information endlessly; the shallow, scripted politicians spouting bumper sticker slogans; the political wives, on constant auto-smile while secretly drinking themselves into a stupor. You'll laugh so hard you'll cry.
"The Olympics" (NBC): Avoid this snoozer. 964 hours of commercials, pre-packaged profiles, commercials, tape-delayed events, and more commercials. Here, I'll save you some time: the Russians win weightlifting, Americans win track and field, Brazil soccer, Cuba boxing, China table tennis, Australia swimming, and Lithuania basketball.
(Mr. TV is on vacation. His column is being written by Mrs. TV.)

   Copyright 2004 Ironic Times