| PEOPLE |
 |
 Al Sharpton Descended
From Slave Owned by Strom Thurmond's
Relatives
Discovery made by Thurmond's grandson,
who is Sharpton's chauffeur. |
|
Cheney Almost Hit By Bomb in
Afghanistan
Calls it “positive sign.” |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
TV Programming for Children
Under 2 Growing
Most of it ends up in prime time. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
New Insider Trading Scandal
Centers on Hedge Funds
Extremely wealthy investors allegedly
conspired to become unfuckingbelievably
wealthy investors. |
|
 |
Bird Housing
Market Collapses
Experts blame
overbuilding. |
|
|
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Report: Vitamin Supplements
May Actually Shorten Life
Public urged to scratch their heads. |
|
Britain to Pay Women Who
Donate Eggs
On sliding scale for large, extra-large,
jumbo. |
| |
| REMINDER |
| |
In a
few years, robots will
take over. |
|
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|
| |
| SCIENCE |
|
Mysterious 2400-Year-Old
“13 Towers” in Peru Found to
Be Solar Calendar
According to replicas sold in nearby gift
shop. |
| |
| POLITICS |
|
 Edwards's
Virtual Campaign Headquarters
Trashed
Candidate's avatar said to be
“shaken.” |
|
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