| PEOPLE |
 |
 Mexico's
Carlos Slim Passes Warren Buffett
to Become World's 2nd Richest
Decided by Slim's slightly longer
ball of string. |
|
|
 |
Kissinger
Receives Honorary
Doctorate
From Ho Chi Minh City
College. |
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| MEDIA |
|
Results of DNA Test Finally
Ends Long, Tawdry Anna Nicole Saga
Fox News calls for more tests. |
|
Imus Fired From Radio Show
for Racist, Insensitive Remarks
Will be replaced by Howard Stern. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
 Circuit
City Lays Off 3400 Veteran,
Higher-Paid Employees
Salesmen who didn't know
difference between CD and DVD
replaced by salesmen who don't
know difference between minimum
wage and job security. |
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| SCIENCE |
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New Data Indicates Global
Warming Even Worse Than Thought
Public urged to “panic.” |
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Cellphone Use Could Be Cause of
Honeybee Disappearance
Bees spend so much time on phone
they've stopped making honey. |
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Study: “Robin Hood
Impulse”
Part of Human Nature
Below a certain income level. |
| |
 U.S.
Military Funding Flying
Saucer Research
Also ray guns, robot
armies, giant worms,
Death Star. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Most Angioplasties
Unneeded
Patients urged to stop asking for them. |
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Report: Teens in Abstinence
Classes Still Having Sex
Some during class. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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George Orwell's Former Residence
Surrounded by 32 Cameras
Not counting one in his grave to monitor
spinning. |
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