| TECHNOLOGY |
 |
 Vaginal Speaker
Allows Fetuses to Hear Music
Updated model has microphone for karaoke. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 New Fragrance
“Inspired by Vladimir Putin” Introduced
Sales reported brisk in Crimea. |
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Study: People Who Swear Most
Have Biggest Vocabularies
And can beat the shit out of you at fuckin' Scrabble. |
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| EDUCATION |
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Study: Pretty Girls Get Better Grades
And a tryout at Fox News. |
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| SPORTS |
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More States Find Fantasy
Sports Sites Illegal
Sports fans may be forced to go back to
rooting for their favorite team. |
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| What is this? |
| 1. | China | 6. | Pakistan |
| 2. | Iran | 7. | Yemen |
| 3. | Saudi Arabia | 8. | North Korea |
| 4. | Iraq | 9. | Vietnam |
| 5. | United States | 10. | Libya |
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| A ) | The 10 countries with the most Chinese restaurants. |
| B ) | The 10 countries with the most billionaires. |
| C ) | The 10 countries with the most newspapers. |
| D ) | The 10 countries with the most executions. |
| Hint: There's only one billionaire in North Korea and very
few Chinese resaurants in Yemen. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 Judge Rules Viral Selfie Taken
by Macaque Monkey Does Not
Belong to Him
Monkey vows to appeal. |
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