| PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL PREDICTS |
AN EARLY SPRING
Followed by melting of the polar ice cap. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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UK: Brexit Begins
Drawbridge raised, moat filled. |
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Study: Global Satisfaction With
Democracy at All Time Low
Tyranny, anarchy, feudalism getting
second looks. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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Longest Border
Tunnel Ever Discovered
It extends from just inside Mexico to
the supermax prison in Colorado holding
El Chapo. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Republicans: Trump Phone
Call Inappropriate But Not
Impeachable
Like inappropriately assaulting
dozens of women. |
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Portion of
Trump's Border Wall Toppled by High Winds
White House dismisses it as one
hundred year event. |
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Iowa Caucus: Klobuchar Rally
Draws Just Four People
Disappointing turnout blamed on holding
event during Super Bowl. |
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| REMINDER |
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It's 100 seconds before midnight.
Do you know where your children are? |
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| POLL |
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Sanders Takes Lead, But
Bloomberg Gaining
Talk of Sanders-Bloomberg ticket spreads
among schizophrenics. |
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