| PEOPLE |
 |
 Trump Spiritual
Advisor Admits to Having Molested
12-Year-Old Girl
Disappointed, Trump tells him, “you
should never admit it.” |
|
|
Trump Vows to Prosecute
His Rivals
“I'm running just to stay out
of prison,” says Biden. |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
 Premiere of
First ChatGPT-Written Movie
Cancelled After Angry Reaction
Apparently ChatGPT didn't like some
cuts made to its script and stole
all of the director's personal
information. |
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| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Trump Wants to End
Taxes on Tips
“Finally, you'll be able to slip
a twenty to the maitre'd and see
some action,” he explains. |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Study: Crows Can Count
Out Loud
As a result, players with a “comfort
crow” no longer allowed at
Las Vegas blackjack tables. |
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Surgeon General Calls for
Warning Labels on Social
Media Apps
“Warning: The Surgeon General has
determined that attempting to swallow
a tablespoon of cinnamon in 60 seconds
without drinking anything is dangerous
to your health.” |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Los Angeles Schools to Ban
Cellphones in Classrooms
All bullying must be done “in person.” |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
 Last week we mistakenly
included “White Boy Summer” in
our list of top summer movies. Actually,
“White Boy Summer” is a white Christian
nationalist phrase seen on flags and t-shirts at
Trump rallies. We apologize for any confusion. |
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