| PEOPLE |
 |
 Commerce
Secretary Lutnick: Seniors
Won't Mind Missing Social
Security Checks
“They can always play the lottery,”
he quips. |
|
|
 Vivek Ramaswamy
Suggests Renaming Lake
Erie “Lake Ohio”
Critics suggest renaming Shit
Creek “Ramaswamy's Creek.” |
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| BUSINESS |
|
 Nearly All
Cybertrucks Recalled as Panels
Keep Falling Off
Owners shocked to discover they've
been driving a Plymouth Belvedere
covered in aluminum siding. |
|
|
 Trump Orders
Administration to Use “Beautiful Clean Coal"
“And tear down those ugly pinwheels.” |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Study: Our Prehistoric
Ancestors Were Peaceful,
But Suffered Under a Few
Psychopaths
So this is all business as usual. |
|
NASA: New Data Indicates
We May Be Living Inside
a Black Hole
Giving creedence to long-held
theory entire universe inside
a Magic 8-Ball. |
|
Study: DNA Reveals Everyone
on Earth Shares Genes From
Two Ancient Populations
The Hatfields and the McCoys. |
|
 Euclid Space
Telescope Has Already Captured
Images of 26 Million Galaxies
Enough to start selling naming
rights as a “unique Christmas gift.” |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Anti-Vaccine Movement
Blames Measles Shots for
Texas Outbreak
Also blames solar panels, wind
turbines for climate change. |
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