Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - JANUARY 15 - 21, 2001
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PEOPLE
SEN. STROM THURMOND TO WED ANNA NICOLE SMITH
No date set.
SHOW BUSINESS
"Temptation Island" Dispute Settled
Fox gives "Created by" credit to Satan.
Bio-Engineered Popcorn Took
Bite Out of Holiday B.O.

Many movie-goers feared mutations and other side effects.
Statuette Shortage Threatens
Awards Show Season
Winners may have to accept handshakes, pats on the back.
 
BUSINESS NEWS
General Motors Invites Workers into Factories to Do Voluntary Chores
Company will provide spending money, in compassionate gesture.
Texas Rolls Out New Electric Chair
Recliner has armrest/storage compartment, high-speed Internet access.
ENVIRONMENT
Cloning of Endangered Species
Has Some Worried
Fears we'll be “overrun by condors and tortoises.”
Power-Hungry California Hopes to Harness Static Electricity
Asking residents to "rub together" whenever possible.
 
SPORTS
(Picture courtesy of
the Boston Stranglers)
XFL UNIFORMS GO ON DISPLAY
Should provide good protection from fans.
Humans Win No Medals
at Animal Olympics
Fail to even qualify in running, jumping, swimming and flying.
Baseball: Players Ponder
Buying League
Would draft owners, fans.
 
FRINGE
Polar Bear Club Takes Annual
Dip in Frigid Ocean
All freeze to death in a matter of seconds.

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