Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JULY 22 - 28, 2002
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STYLE
Heavy Metal Maternity Fashions Make Their Debut
Aimed at "biker chicks with a bun in the oven."
 
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
King Ethelred the Impaler is First to Count Neighbor's Serfs as Revenue
Invents generally accepted accounting
practices, 941 AD.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Owners Plead Poverty
May be forced to do odd jobs for players just to make enough money to pay them.
Baseball Hall of Fame Opens
New Exhibit
 
  "Great Lefthanded Hitters" features
(l. to r.) Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Tris Speaker, "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, Lou Gehrig, Lefty O'Doul and, on loan, Ted Williams.

 
Random Thoughts
by Fred "Beanball" Smith

Global warming is ruining hockey . . . I love the way they fake injuries in soccer . . . Don't buy any "Roy Hobbs" autographs on eBay – they're forgeries . . . I miss listening to XFL games on the radio . . . There are some players I'd pay not to see, although none come to mind . . . Baseball will never catch on in Japan . . . Always check the date on your ticket . . . Have you noticed how many ballplayers wear hats these days?. . . If I coulda hit the ball, instead of it hitting me, I'd still be playing . . . Note to kin: I want to be frozen like Ted Williams, then cremated . . . If "The Splendid Spelunker" does come back, I'd throw him some high heat . . . Strike or lockout? Let me know your preference.

(The views expressed by Fred "Beanball" Smith are not his own.)


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