Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 13 - 19, 2003
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PEOPLE
  Record 14 Women in U.S. Senate
They gathered last week for a "Girls of the Senate" photo shoot.
 
THE PRESS
Deemed Too Obscure, Wall Street Journal to Stop Using "G.O.P."
Will also drop rarely used "Democrat," "Liberal," "Progressive."
 
ENTERTAINMENT
HBO Movie Will Depict Hitler as Gay
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
"West Wing" White House Set Destroyed By Fire
FBI searching for really stupid terrorist.
 
INTERNET
"Virtual Universe" Internet Venture Announced
Beta already undergoing testing at www.getalifeforcryingoutloud.com.
SCIENCE
Scientists Discover Distant Planet, Search For Others in "'Habitable Zone"
Seeking worlds that contain water, temperate climates, full-service spas.
Breakthrough Experiment Measures Speed of Gravity
Flashlight dropped from ladder confirms Einstein's Theory of Relativity.
 
SPECIAL FEATURE
The right to face accusers, challenge evidence in open court, and other luxuries of peacetime have been suspended temporarily for the duration of the War on Terrorism. This war will end when:
A) a peace agreement is signed by the President of Terrorism.
B) the Axis of Evil agrees to an unconditional surrender to the Fulcrum of Good.
C) John Ashcroft dances down Pennsylvania Avenue in a pink tutu, singing "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" in Farsi.

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