Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 3 - 9, 2003
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PEOPLE
Carmen Electra In the News Again
She appeared somewhere for some reason.
BUSINESS
AOL Posts Record Loss of
$100 Billion

Most of it in executive severance pay.
Parker Brothers Announces
Successor to
Monopoly
Hegemony is similar, except Boardwalk is replaced by Baghdad, Park Place by Pyongyang.
Microsoft Reveals Source
Code for Windows to Russia

In exchange for 15 nuclear missiles.
 
ENTERTAINMENT

(Begins soon, on all channels)
Already being called a combination “Fear Factor” and “Jackass,” “War in Iraq” looks like a ratings bonanza, loaded with the kind of stomach-turning action and unrestrained stupidity fans of reality TV crave. But beware of viewer burnout (and tuneout) if things drag on, as happened to “Who Wants to be a Millionaire,” and “War in Vietnam.”
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Early Success
Leads to Early Death

So just keep on doing what you're doing, you'll live longer.
New Report Says Fast
Food is Addictive

Report comes with fries and a shake.
Study: Less Than 8 Hours
Sleep Greatly Increases
Risk of Heart Attack

Think about that as you try to doze off tonight.
 
SCIENCE
Columbia University Scaling Back Its Funding of Biosphere II
Will no longer pay for cable TV, pizza deliveries.
Ancient Tablet Details Repairs to Temple of King Solomon
Work will be completed when plasterers show up.
INTERNET
Study: Only 53% Believe What
They Read Online

Honest.

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