Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAR 31 - APR 6, 2003
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CONSUMER NEWS
50,000 Bike-Desks Recalled by Manufacturer
Faulty pencil sharpener can accidentally release emergency brake.
Most Helpful New Product Award Goes to Labels on Fruits, Vegetables
Hard-to-remove identity stickers tell buyers if they've bought a peach or a plum.
 
SPORTS
Baseball '03 Preview: Montreal Should Win All-Canadian World Series
Will defeat Toronto following devaluation of U.S. dollar, collapse of American monetary system.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
North Korean Ambassador Meets With Counterpart From South
Some agreement, but many issues remain unresolved.
ANALYSIS
IRAQ COMPOSED OF MANY DIFFERENT REGIONS
Requires nuanced response from U.S. forces.
Hate Saddam
Hate U.S.
Hate both Saddam and U.S.
Also hate the Turks
Would like to be left alone
Would like to eat
Mostly camels
Standoffish, but may warm to invading army after a few centuries

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