Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 15 - 21, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Santa Glut Worries Some
Fear rivalries, turf wars will lead to increased violence.
 
SPORTS
Baseball:
Mets Sign Metrosexual

He'll bat leadoff and be in charge of all grooming decisions.
 
FEATURE
Which of the following is the surest sign that it's one day before a major holiday?
A )Carolers are happily singing outside your front door.
B )The family is joyously gathering for feast and celebration.
C )The Bush administration is quietly removing environmental protections.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLER
  220,996,011-1 is the largest prime number.

Fruitcake Safe
Everybody hates fruitcake, but they do last forever. Solution? The fruitcake safe. No one will ever eat it, and no one would ever think of stealing it. ($29, Safe of the Month Club.)

One Ton of Duct Tape
They'll be impressed (“What did you spend for all this?”), but it won't cost you a dime, the government's glad to get rid of it. (Free, Department of Homeland Security.)

Meet the President
Give a friend or loved one the gift they'll always remember: five minutes alone with the President of the United States, to talk about anything they want, as long as it's baseball. ($300,000, Committee to Re-Elect the President.)

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