Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 12 - 18, 2009
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PEOPLE
Larry Flynt Asks Congress for $5 Billion Bailout of Porn Industry
It's expected to be quickly approved.
Internet Site Hires Joe the Plumber to Report on Fighting in Middle East
He'll provide unique perspective of publicity-seeking nincompoop with no experience or expertise.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Nielsen Measuring TV
Viewing in Bars

As more and more families lose their homes.
 
BUSINESS
Toyota Projects First Loss
Since World War II

CEO calls 2008 “a year that will live in infamy.”
“Going Out of Business” Store Going Out of Business
Current business climate “too tough,” says owner.
SCIENCE
More Research into Dangers of
Nanotechnology Needed

Say teeny-tiny scientists.
Bees Direct Other Bees to Cocaine-
Laced Sugar Water With Especially
Enthusiastic Waggle Dance

According to enthusiastic waggle dance of researchers.
 
New Species of Giant Bird-Like Dinosaur Discovered in China
Best served with duck sauce.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Minorities Less Likely To Get
Pain Meds From Emergency Rooms

More likely to be accused of paranoia for believing that.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, summing up the crises President-elect Obama inherits when he takes office, we said "on January 21 he must deal with an exploding Middle East, an economy in free fall, soaring unemployment and two wars." He takes office on January 20. We regret the error.

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