Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 6 - 12, 2009
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MISCELLANEOUS
Ohio Man Charged With Drunk Driving On Motorized Bar Stool
However, GM has expressed interest in vehicle.
 
TRAVEL
Space Shuttle Begins Regular Commercial Flights
Will serve Florida and heavily traveled East Coast corridor.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Article (fill in the blanks:)

A new study has found that ___ sea ice is melting faster than predicted only __ months ago, in a study which found that the previous study, issued __ months before that, had underestimated the problem by at least __ %. Scientists issued ____ warnings that conditions previously foreseen as occurring by ____, will actually occur no later than ____. The latest computer model will be found to have understated the speed of ice melting by a factor of __ when the next study is published in ___.
NEW PRODUCTS
Finally! A Device That Picks Up Ping-Pong Balls!
If your household is typical, the floors are covered with ping-pong balls, which you spend all day bending over to pick up, only to find the floor covered with them again moments later. Now say goodbye to all that drudgery. The world's first device designed specifically to pick up ping-pong balls is here (although it works just fine on golf balls and some birds' eggs). Time to give your back a break! $8.99 at all Where No Problem Exists stores.
 
MEDIA
  Limbaugh Wants Obama to Fail; O'Reilly Wants Him to Succeed
Obama wants Limbaugh to fail; O'Reilly wants Limbaugh to succeed; Limbaugh wants O'Reilly to fail; Obama wants O'Reilly to succeed.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Cyber Spies Hack Into Systems Worldwide, Steal Everything
There is nothing left.

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