Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 19 - 25, 2011
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POLITICS
Gingrich Publicly Pledges “Personal Fidelity” to His Third Wife
Pledge similar in wording to those he made to two previous wives.
Romney Says Blue Cheese His Favorite Salad Dressing
But as Governor, it was Ranch, later Thousand Island, after that Italian.
More Talk of Possible Third Party
Made up of disgruntled moderates, angry centrists and apoplectic middle-of-the-roaders.
 
MEDIA
Fox Business News Hosts Call Muppets Communists
Except Miss Piggy.
 
BUSINESS
NTSB Urges Nationwide Cellphone Ban for Drivers
Better call your congressman as soon as you pass this idiot driving the speed limit in the left lane.
SCIENCE
Scientists Searching for Elusive Higgs Boson See “Tantalizing Hints”
Of further research grants.
Government Temporarily Halts All Research Using Chimpanzees
To honor release of “Planet of the Apes” in Blu-ray.
 
Mars Rover Ends Its Mission
Sends back one last intriguing picture before going dead.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Says Risk Warnings on Lap Band Surgery Ads Not Legible
Though lasik surgery may help you see them better.
 

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