Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – MARCH 3 - 9, 2014
page three

PEOPLE
Kim Kardashian Insures Her Finest Asset for $21 Million
But won't get a dime if something bad happens to her head.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
GM Recalls 1,377,000 Vehicles for Sudden Loss of Power Steering, Brakes, Airbag Function
Will fix airbags.
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Confidence in Bitcoins Plunges
Smart money migrating to tulips.
Forest Lawn Opening Kiosks in California Shopping Malls
For the convenience of those considering murdering family members.
Exxon CEO Sues to Block Fracking Near His Ranch
Sues to have fracking approved everywhere else.
Swiss Bank Helped Rich Evade Taxes
Also, this winter in Switzerland, it snowed.
SCIENCE
Voyager III Launched Into Deep Space With Updated Recording
Adds rap, hip-hop, some Chuck Berry “B” sides.
 
20,000-Year-Old Mammoth Discovered in Seattle During Excavation for Apartment Building
“Totally stoked,” consruction workers who found it describe it as “awesome.”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Obesity Rate for Young Children Drops 43% in Last Decade
Experts trace change to day 10 years ago when Oreos “With 43% Less Fat” were introduced.
 
CORRECTION
 
A quote expressing confidence in the ability of local forces to defeat the insurgency after withdrawal of U.S. forces was wrongly attributed to a top American general in Afghanistan. The quote was from General Curtis LeMay, Commander of U.S. forces in Vietnam. We apologize for any confusion caused by our error.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2014 Ironic Times