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KIM JONG-UN WRITES, DIRECTS
SEQUEL TO “THE INTERVIEW”
In which Seth Rogen, James Franco
and their families are imprisoned for life. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Records Set in 2014:
Global temperatures, deforestation,
time wasted watching funny dog and
cat videos on the Internet. |
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Russia's High-Speed Train Will
Travel From St. Petersburg to
Beijing in 48 Hours
Carrying all twelve Russians who can afford to ride it. |
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| PICTURE OF THE WEEK |
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| Antique Telephone Booth Expo |
 Comes to Las Vegas
Shares space with Elvis Expo. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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114th Congress Begins
Work This Week
First order of business: table everything
until the 115th Congress. |
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NYPD Slowdown Results
In Fewer Arrests
Cops turn backs on Mayor, unarmed black men. |
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| REMINDER |
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You resolved to stop smoking, drinking
and eating like a pig, remember? |
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Supreme Court Documents Could Be
Available Online “As Soon as 2016”
Or as late as never. |
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Dozens of New State Laws
Go Into Effect
In some states you can now openly carry
a gun at your higher minimum wage job
while smoking a reefer. |
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| POLITICS |
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Preparing to Run, Jeb Bush Resigns
From All Board Memberships
Also Trilateral Commission, Illuminati,
membership at Spearmint Rhino
gentlemen’s club. |
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