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NAVY'S NEW $4.4 BILLION STEALTH
DESTROYER TO BE COMMISSIONED
On same day Zika funding runs out. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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North Korean Vice Premier Executed
Because He Was Slouching at Meeting
Giving parents another weapon in struggle to
make their kids sit up straight. |
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| TECHNOLOGY |
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Scientists: More Realistic
Sexbots Promise Human-Robot Marriages by 2050
Robot-robot marriages by 2075. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Russians Seek Answers for Bright
Red “Blood River” in Siberia
Turns out not to be “routine borscht factory
mishap” as government first claimed. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Clinton on Life Support
According to Fox News. |
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Trump Says He'll Greatly
Increase Military Budget
And make Mexico pay for it. |
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Pittsburgh: Uber Puts 100
Self-Driving Cars Into Service
Great for former Uber drivers who need ride
to unemployment office. |
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| REMINDER |
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History is written by the last guy to edit Wikipedia. |
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Baltimore Residents Upset to
Learn Secret Surveillance
Planes Have Been Recording
Them for Months
“For their own protection,” insists police
spokesman, T.J. “Big Brother” Smith. |
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| POLITICS |
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 Libertarian
Candidate Gary Johnson
Stuns With His Answer, “What is
Aleppo?”
His guess "sixth Marx Brother" further fails
to impress policy wonks. |
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