 WORLD
WELCOMES IN 2024
With fear and loathing. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Russia: “Almost Naked”
Celebrity-Filled Party During
Wartime Sparks Outrage
A furious Putin demands to know who's
responsible and why he wasn't invited. |
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Paris: Krispy Kreme
Opens to Long Lines
Michelin Guide, Le Cordon Bleu say
they're “getting out of the business.” |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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New Laws Take Effect
in Many States
But they won't apply to you unless
you're pregnant, poor, or wish to vote. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Maine Drops Trump
From Ballot
Trump voters urged to move to Michigan. |
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| (Once again we turn to our panel
of psychics, seers and soothsayers
for a look ahead at the new year.) |
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 | Kandu: “There
will be no big surprises, and that will result
in worldwide panic.” |
 | Madame Blavinsky:
“Earth will be visited by
extraterrestrials, who will hit all
the trendy spots and leave.” |
 | Cassandra:
“It will be the hottest
year in recorded history. Lather,
rinse, repeat.” |
 | Nostradamus:
“The Russian bear and
the Asian elephant will form an
alliance with the Egyptian camel
and the Australian platypus, and
the zoo will be closed for two weeks.” |
 | Tiresias:
“Trump will defeat Biden,
who will hire Trump's old fake
electors to act as his fake electors,
and Biden will be sworn in as president.” |
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